We're facebook friends in real life
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
