I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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