its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
