There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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