the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
