marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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