I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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