Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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