I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
