this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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