Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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