what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize