Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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