My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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