Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
