The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
