Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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