This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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