Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize