Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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