:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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