Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
