Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
