oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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