I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
