I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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