I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Enjoy the penises
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
