so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
