I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
