You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
