Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
