The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
