Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
