I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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