Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
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