mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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