hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
