Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
