I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Welp...herpes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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