You just made me feel so damn special
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
