It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
