I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
