I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
