She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His nipple licking is glorious
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