I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
