I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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