Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What a dumb baby whore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
