It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
