Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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