i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
