I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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