he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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