Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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