The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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