I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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