that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
