The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
