i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
what the fuck happened to the tacos
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
