So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
