be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
