put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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