You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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