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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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