She is in my trunk
I think I won the penis lottery.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
