I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
