Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
