after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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