I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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