took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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