Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
