My nipple is on Facebook.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I love you. Go after that dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
