Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
