Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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