i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
